Do you know about - The secret To Overcoming Any Addiction - Claim Your New Life Now
Ambulance Nj! Again, for I know. Ready to share new things that are useful. You and your friends.In August of 2002 my life was in complete disarray. My children had been taken from my wife one year earlier while I was in a drug rehab at the time. I had given up all hope of ever getting them back and I had sunk into a deep hole of depression, drug abuse and complete surrender. I was homeless and sleeping on park benches, the sandy beach or wherever I could safely find a resting place.
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I was a worthless drug addict, a thief, and a disgrace. That's how I saw myself and I'm sure that's how others saw me as well. But God had other plans for me and this is where the miracles began to manifest.
One afternoon as I was sitting on the grass surface of a food kitchen that fed the homeless. A man appeared out of nowhere and almost stepped on me as he cut straight through the dense hedges where I sat. The sun was glaring in my eyes as I looked up to him and I opinion he was an angel. He asked me if was homeless and I held back the tears as I told him I was. He invited me to join him for lunch inside of the food kitchen and something inside me told me to accept and I did. He listened intently to my story yet he had this comprehension look in his eyes as if he already knew everything I was telling him including my struggle with my addiction and my feelings of hopelessness. He said he had come to help me and he would contribute me with food, shelter and a occasion at a new life if I were willing to do everything that was asked for me. I couldn't hold back my tears any longer as my head fell into hands. When I looked up he was gone and in front of me was a card with nothing but a phone whole on it and the words "Call Now, your life awaits you".
I ran surface and hopped on my broken down motorcycle and pedaled as fast as I could to the Crossroads, a building used for Na and Aa meetings where I had spent most of my days and nights going to meetings hoping that God would show up and make this bad dream go away. I made my way inside to the pay phone and dialed the whole on the card. A voice on the other end answered "Homeless Outreach Center" and I began to stray on and on about the man and the card and the new life, but she knew of no such man. She explained that she had no openings for interview for at least 2 weeks and I knew that I couldn't exist like this for 2 more weeks. I was sick as a dog and had lost over 30 pounds. I was near death, one way or the other in the middle of the drugs and the mal-nutrition I needed help fast. She told me to call back after 4 because on occasion they get a cancellation. I hung up the phone even more discouraged then I had been in a long time. I had no plans on calling her back but at 4 pm sharp something told me to make the call and that's when I felt my first glance of hope since God knows when. Person had cancelled and she made an appointment for me for the next day to come in for an interview. I had no idea what this interview was about but I stared at the card in my hand and somehow found hope in the words "your life awaits you"
I slept on a park bench that night and at 6 a.m I rode my bike to the bus stop and chained it up nearby the sign for safekeeping. I transferred to another bus and 90 minutes later I was there for my screening. It was explained to me that they were able to put me up in a halfway house free for a month as well as contribute me with food to fill my refrigerator. I was interviewed by 3 different population and everything was going flat until I told them that I was on prescribe medication that my physician was weaning me off slowly because there was a high risk of seizures and other side effects that were likely to occur if I stopped using the treatment cold turkey because of the large whole I had been taking as well as the length of time I had been poisoning myself with them.
Then reality set in and I became very alarmed when it was explained to me that I would have to detox off the drugs and be totally clean before they could place me in a halfway house. I got up to leave because going into a detox center was going to be pure hell and I opinion there was no way I was going to just stop taking the only thing in the world that allowed me to even keep what petite sanity I had left. Yet something told me to sit back down and quit the screening process so if by some miracle I did find the courage to go into a detox at least I would know that there was help waiting for me when I got out. They told me to call them when I was being released from the detox center and I left very discouraged once more.
The next day was a defining day for me.
I had a final interview with the department of Children and Family's and my mom was driving me down to Ft. Lauderdale. I had one pill left to level me out and I took it when awoke that morning from my spot on the beach. I had decided that I was going to try and kick my habit cold turkey but I had no idea at the time just how fine my addiction had become.
Inside of the Interview room there were about 10 population from discrete agencies and I knew that I was going to have to put on the most persuasive performance of my life as I gave one last plea for more time before my children were adopted. All the cards were stacked against me but I gave a strong discussion and refused to back down. The children had been in sustain care for over a year and the bylaws stated that after a year the parent has lost their right to petition for custody. But God was with me in that room and I was given grace in the form of a 90 day extension, however, there were 3 stiff stipulations and at the time they seemed totally unfeasible and I had couldn't even dream how I would be able to meet their requirements.
They gave me 90 days to have my own residence, a reliable vehicle and solid employment. On top of that I would have to pass random drug tests and one determined drug test would have my girls adopted and out of my life forever. I was relieved yet overwhelmed. I was in need of divine intervention and that's when the miracles began to appear. God was at work and I knew I had to give everything to him and get out of my own way.
That night as I lay trembling in the sand on the beach that had come to be my bed for the past incorporate of months I began to feel resignation sickness from not taking the drugs my body had come to depend on. It was one of the longest nights of my life. As I lay looking up at the stars I tried in vain to remember what my life was like before the drugs and the insanity. How did I end up here? Then I heard a faint voice inside my head say "You didn't end up here because you're journey isn't over". I don't know where it came from but it was sufficient to give me hope for the first time in a long time.
As the sun began to rise above the oceans horizon I found myself trudging straight through the sand and production my way towards the sidewalk where my motorcycle was chained to a road sign. After 3 attempts I ultimately found myself securely on the seat and pedaling over the bridge toward the Narcotics Anonymous meeting on the other side. My body was week but my will overcame it, so I prolonged to press forward with every ounce of energy I could muster and soon found myself at the meeting. Something deep inside me was telling me that God was with me and I found that comforting even in all the confusion and the sickness I was feeling.
I sat on a bench surface the building with my face resting in my hands. I tried to pray and as the tears rolled down my face I remember saying over and over again, "help me God, I surrender". Even in my brokenness I knew that God and only God could restore my health and my sanity, so I was either going to trust Him and move in faith or I was going to give up on him and die a slow suffering death.
Behind me I could here population approaching and I recognized some of their voices as friends I had made in the meetings. Only addicts can understand truly understand what another addict is going straight through and they surrounded me with love and compassion. We were soldiers who were battling for our lives and we knew that the only way to victory was to surrender our will to God and to love and hold each other. We couldn't rely on will power any more looking that it was our own will that brought us to our knees in the first place. I knew I was right where I needed to be at that moment and I reluctantly agreed to let them drive me to a Detox center where I could receive curative help and get some rest and nourishment.
I didn't know the guy who was driving but I do remember him telling me that I was going to make it straight through this and one day I would use my feel as a testimony to others. I wanted to jump out of his car every time we stopped at a light so I could go and get high just to make the sickness go away, but in the back seat my friend had her hands on my frail shoulders and was telling me how proud she was of me and beside her was a woman just praying and praying and I began to weep. I knew then that I was not turning back and I was straight through running from my addiction. It was time for a show down and I was going to let God handle this.
My detox was not your typical one in fact I still can't justify to this day what happened. I ended up in 3 different detox centers, 1 rehab, 2 trips to the emergency room by ambulance and ultimately came to rest in a padded room in a thinking ward after Hallucinating for some days and falling into a deep state of paranoia.
Perhaps it was sleep deprivation or maybe my mind shut down because it wasn't used to functioning without the poisonous chemicals it had come accustomed to for such a long period of times. Or maybe this is what God knew it was going to take for me in order for me to never use again. Anything the reason it worked. I know one thing for sure; it gave me a fine testimony to share with others. This was nothing short of a miracle and I knew I now had the accountability to share my testimony with others who are struggling with their own addictions or in any area of their lives. If you're reading this I can assure you that it is not by mistake. There are no coincidences in God's world.
After having my insanity restored I moved into the halfway house at last. It took a incorporate of weeks to get wholesome sufficient to look for work but I soon began to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I attended at least one N.A meeting a day and surrounded myself with determined population who were taking their recovery serious. On day 30 I found a job and my faith became so strong that I believed with all my heart that I would get my daughters back despite of what I was told by the authorities and all the negative population who polluted the recovery meetings. I knew that God was the greatest authority and he would have the final say. He didn't bring me this far for nothing. I was sure he had many more miracles planned and I walked in faith looking forward to see what He was about to do next.
By the time my final court day came nearby I had a nice two-bedroom apartment and a beautiful car. I couldn't control my gratitude it was overwhelming. In 90 days time I had gone from a homeless addict, to a thinking patient in a padded room, to a respected member of society. How could this be? I'm sure you'll agree that this isn't humanly possible or at best highly unlikely. But with God all things are possible.
The time had come for the final battle, the fight for my children.
Everyone complicated in the case had now taken my side and I now had the favor of man as well as favor with God. However there were laws in place that could not allow the judge to give me custody of my girls because over a year had passed and they were now about to be adopted. The judge would have no selection but to corollary the guidelines and deny me custody, but as I stated earlier, God has is the greatest authority and he would have the final word.
I sat alone at my table yet God was there to represent me. The judge sat silently as he read the case history and the recommendations from the many agencies that were present. A smile came to his face as he peered over to me from across the courtroom. And then he addressed me with respect and admiration and said to me "In all my years on the bench I have never seen a case like this nor a man with such perseverance. You're love for your children has miraculously given you the strength and measurement to defy grand obstacles and what before today I would have called impossible odds. I am determined that these children will be blessed to have you as a father and furthermore believe that you will be a wonderful role model to them as you are to every person in this courtroom. Sir, this court has a great respect for you. Are you ready to take your girls home?".
My God, my girls were arrival home with me! I couldn't control my tears as population applauded and congratulated me. When they asked me how I did it I tell them "I gave it to God and I just walked with Him in faith. What a beautiful day, what an awesome God.
The girl's mother never came back but we continue to pray for her that one day she too would give her addiction to God. As I write this it has now been 7 years that I've been clean and 6 blessed years that the 3 of us have been a family. Our home is all the time filled with laughter and my daughters both have beautiful hearts and all the time remember that God comes first. In the past six years my girls have seen many more miracles in our home and they know beyond a shadow of a doubt that "All things are possible with God".
I pray my testimony has been a blessing and an encouragement to you. No matter what you are facing and no matter what your circumstances may dictate to you all the time remember that we weren't put on this Earth to suffer but to have a life of abundance. There is all the time hope and all the time a way to change your circumstances but from my feel I have learned that it takes a power much greater than myself. God is not a religion, He is love and joy, compassion and mercy. He is not far away in the Heavens but is the good that lives inside each of us. If you've been trying to do things your way and find you keep getting the same results then possibly it's time to surrender your will and allow God to to bring you victory.
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